XYZ.

As my engagement party nears I thought I’d treat myself to a pretty white dress. This immediately became a treasure hunt as it’s October and designers seem to be allergic to anything lighter than caramel or beige…

But, online shopper-savvy me found, through much digging, four gorgeous options that may have broken the bank, but certainly looked “bride-to-be.”

My next step was to make sure they were all returnable, and then to quickly spam everyone in my contact list to have them rank the dresses from “perfect” to “pass”.

This “let’s rank” system was my first mistake, and must have been the creation of my recent weight loss confidence boost.

As the packages began to arrive at my front door, I immediately hung the dresses front and center.

My closet literally looks like Kleinfeld’s.

Did I try them on right away? No way! A “let’s pretend like I’ll look like the models in the magazines” mantra was dominating my “let’s be practical and just see if they fit” mentality.

This had been going on for about two weeks. Return deadlines were drawing near, so today, as I woke up to a stream of Facebook compliments reacting to my fifteen pound loss post (which I must say I am really proud of), I decided it was the day!

Geniusly, I decided to start with my, and the majority votes’, very favorite: a stunning BCBG floor-length gown with a mesh crisscross patterned chest.

Step one, it fit over my butt; step two, hips; miraculously, step three, over my triple F’s; and four, over my toughest-to-lose section, my arms. I thought at this point I was crossing the finish line, that is until I “X, Y, Z’d” (examined my zipper).

The zipper was about a foot away (not exaggerating) from the other side of the dress and literally had a zero percent chance of ever being able to zip onto its zippee.

That’s when I tried on dress voted number two. Déjà vu. This was followed by dress three, which (zipper free) made it over my head, but not so much over anything else.

Dress four, the one dress my dear fiancé said he was specifically not a huge fan of, shimmied onto my body. Granted, it wasn’t perfect, but it fit and had the potential to be a real option.

Discouraged is an understatement. I felt like, in that exact moment, I had instantly gained back the fifteen pounds that I had just lost…

What would I report back to my friends? My family? When they ask about the trophied gown, what would I say? Didn’t fit. Looks awful. Wasn’t even close.

And its not like I could just “order a size up”. This WAS the size “up”! As big as it gets. And, although I certainly felt “large”, I couldn’t even fit into one.

Its incredible what your mind will do.

In past dieting times, I would have grabbed a cookie, or anything that was better tasting or feeling than these horrible thoughts running through my mind.

But I didn’t.

It reminded me that I still have a ways to go, and that if I keep up the “I Can, I Will, I DO-ing” I’ll, someday … hopefully… have the option to choose which dress I REALLY like the most, after all four of them fit me!

This was a roadblock and certainly didn’t make me feel great, but I am happy to report I did not calorically (or emotionally) binge my frustration away.

I went for a walk on the beach and grabbed a watermelon-iced tea.

With a pat on the back, lots of returns to make, and another round of online shopping in the works, XOXO,
Alex