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NO, I’M NOT PREGNANT.

Sep 4 by Alex Leave a Comment

How is it September? How is Xena headed to pre-preschool? And how, oh how, many more people are going to ask me when I’ll be “ready” for baby #2?

I don’t exactly blame them, I catch myself innocently doing the same thing to other moms more often than I’d like to admit. But the problem with this question is that generally, by the time you’re asking, said mom was actually “ready” MONTHS ago, and is now just waiting for the universe to be ready too.

Fertility is a tricky, highly sensitive subject and what I’ve learned is that SO so SO many women go through it, in some way or another. They think they’re battling it alone, likely because there’s a silly stigma that not getting pregnant instantly must mean there is something wrong with you or your reproductive system.

… and that couldn’t be farther from true.

Of course there are many different fertility and infertility “issues” and likelihoods-of-getting-pregnant, but in the end, a repetitive, humongous stressor is that each month a little test or period pal reminds these women that they are not pregnant. It didn’t stick. And whether they want it or not, there’s an instant emotional whirlwind that ensues.

Jordan and I have been trying for a Xena sibling for a year now. Yes, you read right, ONE YEAR. With family deaths and lots of life changes, it’s certainly been a packed (too many) months of ups and downs, and I know it all plays a role in this. As a team, we’ve fortunately never been stronger, but here I am, still starring at the “NOT PREGNANT” pee sticks blinking in my face.

I’ve been debating about writing about this for some time now, mostly scared of admitting it was actually happening to me.

My situation is called “unexplained infertility” which doesn’t, by any means, mean that I can’t or won’t get pregnant again, it just suggests that there is no obvious reason why I haven’t been able to re-conceive so far. All of my levels are “perfect”, which may sound nice, but also rules out any “quick fix”.

In the beginning I was so SURE that each month was “it”. Without a doubt, there was a baby forming in me. I would even go so far as to drive forty-five minutes to my OB to get a blood test, because I was certain I knew more than my 99.9% accurate pee sticks.

Negative calls weren’t any easier than negative sticks, I can promise you that!

LUCKILY, for the past couple of months, I’ve learned my lesson and have begun staying ahead of myself mentally. There have been lots of prayers, “I Can, I Will, I DO” mantra-ing, singing, swimming, tennis-ing, real estate-ing, decorating, acupuncture-ing, Xena-ing, and anything else that makes me my “whole happy self”. I keep repeating that I do know (and I really do!) that this baby will come exactly when he or she is ready, IF he or she is ready, and beyond that have let all higher powers take the lead.

I REFUSE to take the path of downward spiral (not that anyone chooses that, but I know it happens far too frequently, and is often a quick and very slippery slope).

No one’s road to pregnancy is perfect, and I’m 0% comparing my journey to anyone else’s. It’s not better, not worse, it’s just mine. Yes, baby making and baby creating comes more easily and unexpectedly for some, but who knows how their next “try” will be? It’s time us mommies band together, start talking openly (if that’s healing and helpful) and begin to be each other’s #1 cheerleaders.

I’m asking for all of your good vibes and promise to send plenty in return! If you need to talk? I’m around!

Until I get that double-line positive, I’m going to stay focused on soaking in every moment I can being a mama to my crazy, sassy and silly little growing girl. Oh, and pour myself a nightly glass of cabernet.

Much more on this topic soon. Xoxo, ICIWID.

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Hello world of sippy cups, early wake-ups, caffeine cravings, dookie diapers and a whole new toddler P.O.V. Welcome BACK to I Can, I Will, I DO! 🍼💩

Instagram post 2192694269558782440_1514886525 You are not alone. It’s been a disheartening fertility day, another “not pregnant” stick staring me in the face, but I have to keep reminding myself that there really MUST be a PLAN here. A plan so much bigger than I am. If you’re in this “waiting on the universe” phase too, I am here for you. It sucks and doesn’t usually make sense {especially to a control freak like me} but let’s stay strong for the good now and the great that’s to come. There’s lots of both. ❤️ #inthistogether
Instagram post 2191920168158216639_1514886525 Coming to a mailbox near you. Now just need to wrap all the presents by next Wednesday ... ho ho oh my goodness 💌
Instagram post 2191200628512276418_1514886525 Just a hound and some houndstooth 🐾 #happyhowlidays
Instagram post 2189808903365389873_1514886525 Oh what a tealightful weekend 🍵
Instagram post 2189067440956487990_1514886525 Spa la la la la 🎄🍷 a day with these girls makes me the merriest #congratspandrob
Instagram post 2187286954462415512_1514886525 SEA-zing today to count all my THANKS 🌊 it’s going to take me a while... but I’ll start with my husband’s willingness to put up with my many matching outfit requests.
Instagram post 2186523921931042057_1514886525 Konnichiwa! In just two short weeks Jordan and I will be adventuring off to Tokyo, Xena-free, which is both completely nerve wracking and absurdly exciting. I will only be there four nights so need to pack in bucket list items and am asking for any/all “must do” recs! Until then, I’ll be counting down the days and “pre-gaming” the best way I know how... with copious amounts of sushi 🍣
Instagram post 2184456482850311939_1514886525 Beachy keen 🌊☃️
Instagram post 2183078936866879808_1514886525 Cheetahs and tigers and bear hugs oh my! #unclewill 🐯
Instagram post 2178818684927472898_1514886525 Truck stops have never looked better 🚜🚛🚕🚚
Instagram post 2177911793833681808_1514886525 Happy birthday to the very best mom in the whole Tam world 🥰  We love you!
Instagram post 2177322077434219788_1514886525 Four’s a crowd 👨‍👩‍👧🐾
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If anyone gets what it’s like, to feel like you gain weight from simply LOOKING at food, it’s Alex. And as soon as her handsome hubby-to-be got down on one knee, she knew she needed to DO something about it.

That’s when it hit her, “If I CAN lose the weight, I WILL feel my absolute best before I say “I DO”!”.

So that’s just what she did.

With a LOT of hard work, mental motivation, burpies and a few bumps in the road, she ultimately said “I DO” to herself FIRST and danced down the aisle with ease.

But as the story goes, first comes love, then comes marriage and now, yep you guessed it, she’s pushing that little baby in a baby carriage!

This journey may have begun with a ring but certainly didn’t end at the altar. Can she shake the pregnancy pounds and maintain semi-sanity as a working stay-at-home-first-time-new mom? Not without you, a cup of coffee or two, and her ever-so-loved mantra of “I Can, I Will, I DO!”.

alex@icaniwillido.com
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